The feeling is FAILURE.
Possibly the worst feeling EVER.
The feeling that your body has FAILED to give your heart its greatest desire.
The feeling that you have FAILED your husband. FAILED because you can't give him a family, because you can't make him a father.
The feeling that God has FAILED you.
and
That because you feel that way, despite trying not to and wanting to feel any other way, that you have FAILED God.
It is the feeling of FAILURE that haunts me the most; because with FAILURE comes disappointment and sadness and sometimes it even makes you hate your body a little for not doing what it is 'supposed' to be able to do, hate your heart for wanting the seemingly impossible.
Its a daily struggle with this feeling of FAILURE and some days I don't win. Some days I want to give up but most days I come out on top, or at the very least tied, and most days I know I have to fight and keep fighting. I need to know I did everything I could because one day I will be a great mom and one day I will make my husband a father.
**Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.**
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