Monday, November 29, 2010

counting the days

65 Days until January 10th.

To most February 14th will be a day like any other day. A day for work and chores and paying bills; but for me January 10th will be anything but. January 10th will be the day we start monitoring our first m-IVF cycle in Las Vegas.

It will be the point of no return.

I am so scared and yet so very excited to start down this new path. Our struggles thus far have made us stronger and have given us the endurance we will surely need to continue in our lives weather we are successful in our IVF attempt and have a child(ren) or we have to try again.

Reaching this point where we have accepted that we will not have children on our own without medical intervention and agreeing to move forward has been a long, frustrating, tiring and challenging journey. But we have survived the first leg of the race. We have made the decision to start IVF. What comes next I can only say is another leg in the journey.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Struggle

In today's world it is so easy to find yourself questioning your own beliefs, morals and convictions; but nothing has ever challenged my faith the way that Infertility has.
In the years we have been struggling to conceive our first child I have found myself mad at God, hurt by God, questioning Gods plan or if there even was a "plan".
I found myself struggling with my relationship with God because I didn't know how to accept this challenge that he had given me. "Its not fair" I would say, "No one should have to suffer this way to have a child when so many who take their children for granted get them so easily."
"Why" I asked that question more times that I can count and there are days when I still ask it..The only answer I have come up with? -because I am strong and independent and I know that God will never give me more than I can handle. I am fairly certain this is the only time I have ever wished I was a weaker person.